5 reasons couples are rewriting the rules of intimacy

· Citizen

Intimacy can be like driving on a highway. Motorists can speed along or have a breakdown. Take the wrong offramp, exceed the speed limit, have an accident… well, you get the picture.

Not all relationships reach their destination on time; some not at all. Others get there while observing the rules of engagement and being situationally aware.

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A growing number of couples seem to be rethinking their GPS settings completely.

Rather than treating intimacy as a race to a predetermined destination, many are opting to take the scenic route.

The emphasis in relationships and even situationships is away from performance, pressure, and expectations, and towards connection, communication and shared experiences.

There are 5 ways that research has shown people are now choosing to couple up.

Slamming on the brakes

There was a time when intimacy was often judged by how quickly things progressed and whether couples reached the finish line, fast.

Many pairs are now easing off the accelerator. Instead of rushing through the experience, couples are discovering the value of slowing down and paying attention to the journey of falling in love, or lust. It’s now less about getting somewhere and more about enjoying the ride together.

Removing the pressure to perform often creates space for something that can easily get lost at high speed, yet it’s what we all want. Genuine connection.

Checking the dashboard indicators

Every driver knows that warning lights on the dashboard should not be ignored, and sometimes it’s best to read the owner’s manual to figure out what they mean, too.

Relationships can work the same way, because emotional connection is increasingly viewed as an essential pre-trip inspection. This, well before physical intimacy takes place.

Couples are spending more time talking, listening, sharing vulnerabilities and making sure they are emotionally aligned.

Ignoring signals has the same consequence. Not using your flicker at an intersection or, for that matter, crashing a stop street.

More than one way to get from A to B

You don’t always have to get in the car to get from A to B. Sometimes a mindless Sunday afternoon drive can end up somewhere interesting, or nowhere at all. And that’s okay, either way.

Today, people are exploring alternative routes that include affection, touch, cuddling, kissing, and simply being present with one another. And who really cares what shape that takes? Two people who are fully present with one another rarely worry about where the road is leading next.

Hear your partner. Don’t try mind-reading. Picture: iStock Using the indicators

Mind-reading remains a poor communication strategy, and despite perhaps believing in our own expertise at it, the expectation that a partner can magically know what you need, want, and think. Well, it’s a daydream.

This is why people are learning to signal their intentions clearly. Honest conversations about boundaries, desires and expectations are becoming a natural part of intimacy rather than an awkward interruption.

Good drivers communicate with other road users using signals everyone understands. Good partners are discovering the same principle applies in relationships.

The roadside attractions count

Driving to Cape Town from Joburg is not necessarily defined by the actual distance travelled. There are some amazing attractions along the way. Now, apply this same principle to relationships and intimacy.

True connection is built through smaller interactions that happen every day. A lingering hug, holding hands, an affectionate message, a meaningful conversation, or simply making time for one another can strengthen a relationship over time.

These moments may seem insignificant in isolation, but together they help keep the engine running smoothly. They are the postcards of all the cute nooks and small roadside attractions along the way, and the stuff that sticks.

Intimacy in the twenty-first century is no longer measured by how quickly people reach their destination.

Instead, more couples seem interested in who they’re travelling with, what they discover along the way and whether the journey was worth remembering when they get there.

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