'I'm not ashamed' - Ellison on mental health and playing at 47
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"I had four touches and I fouled Paul Scholes," says Kevin Ellison about his one and only Premier League appearance for Leicester City at Manchester United in 2001.
The forward had been rejected by his hometown team Liverpool and was working on a building site as well as delivering furniture, while playing for non-league Altrincham, before landing a dream £50,000 move to Leicester 25 years ago.
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A month later Ellison, then aged 22, was sharing a pitch with Roy Keane, Ole Gunnar-Solskjaer and Scholes after being sent on as an 84th-minute substitute at Old Trafford.
Leicester lost 2-0. Ellison never played in the Premier League again.
A few years later depression took over as he struggled with family problems, while he had gone from signing a two-and-a-half-year contract with the Foxes to dropping back down the leagues and worrying about finances.
"The darkest moment was when I was driving on the M6," Ellison recalls.
"I remember it like it was yesterday. My thoughts back then were: 'would people's lives around me be better if I smashed my car into the central reservation at 100mph?' That's how deep it got.
"Speaking out to those around me and seeking help [counselling] is the only way I got through those dark clouds that came over me. I'm grateful for what I've been through as it's opened my eyes to a lot of things in life."
Now aged 47, Ellison is healthier and happier.
Incredibly, he is still playing for Cheshire-based non-league club Vauxhall Motors, and will become one of the oldest players to feature in the FA Cup if he appears against Yorkshire side Thackley in the preliminary round on Saturday (15:00 BST).
"Everyone says I should be in a nursing home," laughs Ellison, who has played in all top eight tiers of English football and is one of the few players to reach the 1,000-game milestone in a memorable career spanning 29 years and 18 different clubs.
"I've lost count, if I'm honest, on the exact number of games I've played. But I've still got that fire in my belly and I still get a little bit nervous before games.
"I'm still here, playing at 47. I'm grateful for that."
From delivering beds to Premier League
Ellison grew up in the suburb of Anfield, about a five-minute walk from Liverpool's famous ground. He represented Liverpool schoolboys as a youngster, as well as playing for the club's centre of excellence alongside Michael Owen and Steven Gerrard.
As a child, he would walk the short distance to Liverpool's ground on matchdays and stand outside the Kop, waiting for stewards to open the gates 20 minutes from the end of games to allow fans looking to make an early getaway to leave.
"While they were leaving, I'd run into the ground and catch the end of the match," says Ellison. "I used to love watching John Barnes and Ian Rush."
He dreamed of playing for the Reds but while Owen and Gerrard were kept on, Ellison was let go at the age of 15.
"I remember receiving the letter from Liverpool," he recalls. "It just said: 'thanks for all your effort over the last seven years and good luck in the future.'
"It was heartbreaking, because my first thought was 'that's it, I'm never going to make it as a footballer now'.
"My mum said: 'roll your sleeves up, lad. Keep working hard and your chance will come'. It's like most things in life; you only get out what you put in, and I never gave up when I was 15.
"That rejection spurred me on and made me want to prove to people that I was good enough to become a professional one day."
After a spell in Sunday League football, Ellison got a break at Southport, who were then playing in the fifth tier under Ronnie Moore. Aged 18, he made his debut off the bench in a 1-0 home defeat by Telford in March 1997.
Ellison played a further three times before the end of the season and remembers receiving £65 in expenses.
Moves to Chorley and then Conwy United in the League of Wales followed before he started getting noticed for the amount of goals he was scoring at Altrincham - 23 in 54 league games.
"I learned the hard way," Ellison adds. "I was playing part-time and working full-time on a building site and delivering furniture - three-piece suites, beds, wardrobes, the lot."
Then, in 2001, came a potentially life-changing move to Leicester, who had won the League Cup the season before under Martin O'Neill.
"They offered me £650-a-week and my agent argued for more," recalls Ellison.
"He was sent out of the room and I was spoken to alone and told to sign the offer or leave. I got £50 more. My agent argued that I was on similar money working full-time and playing part-time.
"But growing up as a kid in Anfield, all I ever wanted to be a was a full-time player."
Walking out before Morecambe's League Cup tie with Newcastle United in 2013 [Getty Images]'I was scared people would judge me'
These days Ellison balances working in a safeguarding role at a secondary school in Liverpool with turning out for part-time Vauxhall Motors, who play in the Northern Premier League Division One West in the eighth tier of English football.
"The kids joke with me: 'sir, you only played once in the Premier League'. I tell them: 'yeah, but it was against Manchester United, who back then were the world's best team'."
Ellison's career highlights include winning promotion to the Championship with Hull City in 2005, two Wembley play-off final appearances for Rotherham United (2010) and Newport County (2021), and scoring 124 goals in 553 league games in the fourth tier, including 81 in 352 outings for Morecambe between 2011-2020.
Not bad for someone who thought their dream of playing professionally was over at 15.
There have been lows. Ellison was part of the Chester City team relegated from the Football League in 2009 before the club faced financial collapse.
Meanwhile, his mental health suffered following the death of close family and friends, while the father-of-two juggled family life and job insecurity.
"It was a build-up of certain things like my personal life and all the worry when I was down to the last six months of my contract, wondering if I would get another," he says.
"I was scared people would judge me, talk about me, turn their back on me all because I am a man who's got a dream job and meant to be fine in life, without realising I am a human being with feelings like everyone else.
"I had some very dark thoughts through my years of suffering alone when I should have really opened up and spoken out. I am not ashamed of where I've been and what I've been through."
Asked what advice he would give to anyone suffering with their mental health, Ellison adds: "Don't be ashamed. Everyone has problems.
"Please talk to family and friends. Open up, there are people willing to help and listen."
Kevin Ellison made 41 appearances for Hull City over two seasons [Getty Images]In 2020, Ellison took part in a campaign involving the Football Association aimed at encouraging football fans to look after their mental health.
"If my story can help just one person I'll be an even happier man," he says.
"From where I was to who I am now, just by opening up, being honest and admitting to being vulnerable, it wasn't easy.
"It was uncomfortable and there was pain and tears at times. But it was the best thing I ever did.
"I've learned to control my thoughts. I do have moments, but I'm in a much better place to cope."
'I'm still learning'
While's England's World Cup dream ended in heartbreak at the hands of Argentina, Ellison helped the Three Lions bring one trophy home this summer.
He was part of the England team that won the Seniors World Cup after beating France 4-0 in the final in Thailand in June.
Former Manchester City midfielder Gareth Barry, 45, ex-Aston Villa midfielder Lee Hendrie, 49, and former Fulham striker Barry Hayles, 54, also featured, along with ex-Nottingham Forest and Ipswich defender Luke Chambers, 40.
"It was an incredible experience," says Ellison, who also won the tournament with England in 2025.
With his 48th birthday six months away, how long does Ellison intend to carry on playing for?
"I honestly don't know. What I do know is that I need to work twice as hard to keep up with all the young players coming through.
"Football has been my life. I'm still learning and I still have that hunger and desire to still want to do well. As long as I've got that, I want to keep playing.
"From Leicester City to Vauxhall Motors, I've played in all top eight tiers. Some people will say I haven't had a good game in any of them!".
If you have been affected by issues raised in this article, there is information and support available on BBC Action Line.
With the trophy after helping England win the Seniors World Cup this summer [Kevin Ellison]