3 Ways to Handle a Breakup Without Making It Harder on Yourself
· Vice
Take it from a hopeless romantic who’s had her heart shattered a few times throughout her 20s: breakups are brutal. They often bring out the worst in us, sometimes even triggering rash decisions or compulsive behavior, like ruminating or overspending.
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Typically, this behavior doesn’t actually help us heal and operates more like a band-aid over a bullet wound. In fact, a Dating.com survey recently found that 59% of respondents spent money to feel better after their last breakup, but only 28% said it helped them heal.
According to Jaime Bronstein, LCSW, resident therapist at Dating.com, much healthier ways to cope with breakups exist—methods that won’t break the bank or send you spiraling into debt. Here are three ways to protect your mental health and wallet during a heartbreak.
1. Mute, Don’t Delete
After being dumped or betrayed by someone you thought was your soulmate, you might feel tempted to delete all evidence they ever existed. However, Bronstein warns that we might regret this quick, pain-driven decision.
“If you delete photos, messages, and physical memories of your ex, you might regret it later when you’re not as emotional,” Bronstein points out. “I recommend muting or archiving them for a period of time. It could be two weeks or a month; it’s up to you. This would help you decide without their interference and with a clearer mind, and would prevent you from second-guessing any rash decisions.”
2. Set a Time Limit for Rumination
As someone with OCD, I know how powerful the urge to ruminate can be. Unfortunately, I also know how toxic this habit can become, holding us back from healing and moving forward with our lives.
“Thoughts can get overwhelming quickly,” Bronstein says. “Set aside 15-30 minutes a day when you allow yourself to be flooded with thoughts of your ex, and if you feel like writing down your feelings in a journal, that can be helpful as you heal. After that time, do your best to be productive and carry on with your day while focusing on the positive and the present moment.”
3. Wait 48 Hours Before Making Breakup Purchases
A little retail therapy never hurt anybody…but a lot of it can definitely set you back financially. Not to mention, it likely won’t fill the void you’re feeling from your breakup.
“It makes sense to want to do something to make yourself feel better; however, before you make a purchase, wait a day or two, and then reflect on how you’re feeling, and ask yourself if it is to show off to your ex or if it’s something you genuinely would like to purchase regardless of the breakup,” Bronstein recommends. “If it’s for your ex, then skip it; however, if it’s for you, then go for it and enjoy your new purchase as long as it’s within your budget.”
At the end of the day, there’s no “perfect” way to handle a breakup. Be easy on yourself as you heal, and if you’d like to treat yourself to a new pair of shoes or a little black dress, don’t deprive yourself of that joy. But don’t expect it to mend your broken heart, either. Everything in moderation.
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