Delusional Dolphins Fans 'Laughing At Patriots' Despite Dead-Last 2026 Projection
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The Miami Dolphins are the worst team in football, and I will say that with my full chest. The only roster that rivals a similar level of uninspiration is that of fellow AFC East rival, the New York Jets.
So you can imagine my surprise when I saw the headline "Patriots just gave Dolphins fans another reason to laugh at their offseason" from PhinPhanatic.com.
Nothing should be funny in Miami. Their starting quarterback has completed 105 total passes in his four-year NFL career. The average NFL fan would struggle to name one single wide receiver on their entire roster. They have the worst defensive backfield in the NFL.
Still, their delusional fans are trying to punch up and find any win they can over the reigning division (and conference) champions. Their criticism of New England? Calling the owner cheap.
"About 1,500 miles northeast, the New England Patriots have enjoyed far more success due to the unmistakable prevalence of one factor and one factor alone: luck," Dante Walker wrote. "They've ranked 24th, 29th, 31st, and 26th on the player survey over the last four years, with players questioning ownership's financial commitment to winning. They've only been top-13 spenders on their roster once out of the last five seasons (Miami's been top-13 each season)."
Translation: Miami's owner spends a lot of money on bad players while New England's coaches consistently get the most out of the players on the roster. But sure, signing known head case Tyreek Hill and terrible quarterback Tua Tagovailoa to a combined 332 million dollars worth of contracts was just unlucky.
"The Miami Dolphins have their own issues, but at least they aren't strong-arming their draft pick like the Patriots," Walker continued. "Surely, Stephen Ross' spending and willingness to do everything in his power to see Miami win will pay off eventually. He tried importing the Patriot Way with Brian Flores, but the rabbit-footed, horseshoe-clad leprechaun responsible for all of their success stayed behind."
Never change, Dolphins fans.
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