We live on a 'family compound' with my parents and siblings. These 7 things have surprised me most about the arrangement.
· Business Insider
Taylor Bunting
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- My husband and I live in a separate house on the same property as my parents and siblings.
- Our unique living arrangement has come with lots of surprises along the way.
- Even though we live so close to each other, we have boundaries and our own separate lives.
In 2024, my husband and I began building our own house on the same property as my parents, siblings, and sister-in-law, creating a "family compound." In total, there are two separate houses, nine family members, and three adorable golden retrievers on the property.
Our family has always spent a lot of time together, but before moving into our new home in April, I don't think I truly understood what day-to-day life would be like.
Here are the biggest surprises I've encountered so far.
My family and I still have our own separate lives.Taylor Bunting
Although my husband, daughter, and I live next door to the rest of my family, we still have our own houses, routines, and lives. Some days, when we all happen to be on different pages, we don't see each other at all.
I think this balance is a huge part of what makes our setup successful. No one feels as though they are on top of each other, and my husband and I can simply take our daughter to our house, close the door, and be our own little family.
Privacy and boundaries are still possible, even when living so close together.Taylor Bunting
For us, one of the keys to making our living arrangement successful is respect for personal space and boundaries.
For example, my younger siblings don't come over to my house after about 8:00 p.m. because they know my daughter is asleep and my husband and I are likely settling in for the night. This isn't something we ever had to ask them to do, they just respect our privacy and nightly routine.
The same goes for my parents. They text my husband and me before popping over to visit and always avoid walking into our house unannounced.
A lot of people don't seem to understand multigenerational living.Taylor Bunting
Since sharing our family compound on social media, I was taken aback by how many people assumed that our family was part of a religious group or separate "community," rather than our setup being an example of multigenerational living.
I knew that "family compounds" aren't incredibly common nowadays, at least in the United States, but I definitely didn't think they were so widely misunderstood.
People appear to confuse our setup with communal living, rather than our family simply living as neighbors next to each other.
Casual get-togethers and dinners happen spontaneously.Taylor Bunting
I've been pleasantly surprised by how much easier casual get-togethers, dinners, and hangouts are.
I can just pop over to my parents' house and then "head home" whenever I want to. I don't need a reason to leave or an excuse to use if I'm just not feeling social.
We also don't typically find ourselves planning get-togethers; they just kind of happen. I can wake up on a Saturday morning with no plans, and within an hour, everyone is hanging out by the pool, playing yard games, and cooking food together.
Having my family around has really improved my mental health.Taylor Bunting
As a stay-at-home mom, having my siblings and parents around throughout the week makes day-to-day life with a toddler so much more enjoyable.
Our setup gives me other adults to interact with, another set of hands when I need them, and simply remedies any of the aspects of motherhood that can otherwise feel lonely.
It's also a game changer for me to have my own mom as a resource. Rather than turning to Google, I can walk across the driveway and pick my mom's brain for parenting advice as a first-time mom.
My marriage has actually gotten even stronger since living here.Taylor Bunting
One of the many perks that I did not anticipate was how much the support of a village would benefit my relationship with my husband.
With other people around to lend a hand with our daughter, direct access to girl time with my mom and sister, and my husband having the ability to go watch a football game with my dad or play basketball with my brothers, we have easier access to hobbies and self-care outlets as parents. This leaves more quality time for us as a couple.
Our setup felt 'normal' pretty quickly.Taylor Bunting
It's taken me by surprise how after only living in our home for six months, this setup already feels so natural and "normal." I can't imagine going back to living even 15 minutes down the road from our family.
Sometimes it takes people asking questions or sharing their opinion on our living arrangements to remind me that our setup is a whole lot less common than I think.
When I think back to my expectations surrounding a 'family compound' prior to moving into our home, I had only really envisioned the more overarching concepts such as family dinners, lots of quality time and no longer having to drive to visit each other.
However, I didn't realize how many of the small details would make such a positive impact on our day-to-day lives.
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